Scared of Judgement

I’m back, after a busy couple of weeks rehearsing and performing in my school’s musical of Grease. There is a post coming very soon on the show and my experience which I am looking forward to sharing with everyone.

A week before the opening night of Grease (my school’s musical for 2017) I was asked by the director to perform my solo in front of the entire school community. He asked me on the Thursday, with the performance being on the Monday, so there was still plenty of time. I didn’t feel like I needed to practice my song much as we had gone over it on the Thursday and it was quite fine. I only went over it a few times on the weekend but I was feeling anxious.

I had never felt like this before, I always get a little nervous before performing in front of people but nothing like what I was feeling over the weekend. I wouldn’t even call it being nervous, I was scared! I had a very unpleasant couple of days because all I could contemplate was what was unfolding on Monday at my school assembly.

One of my performances of ‘Those Magic Changes’ in Grease

I have always been a person who doesn’t care what other people think of me if someone doesn’t like me that’s their loss. I’ve never let someone’s judgments get to me too much until two weeks ago. I had realised on the Sunday while lying in bed that I was afraid of being judged (I really couldn’t bring myself to realise what I was feeling). Fellow students are the most judgmental people I know and I was fearful of the criticism and hate I might receive by standing up in front of around 300 fellow students to sing.

I woke up Monday with the worst butterflies, I just couldn’t wait to get it over and done with as I knew I couldn’t back out. My friends kept telling me I’d be fine but that’s not what I thought, though to be completely honest, they did ease my nerves a little. I went over my song a couple more times just before the assembly to make sure everything was okay.

Stepping out onto the stage was petrifying, hundreds of faces staring at me (this never usually bothers me, I’ve performed in front of hundreds of more people) waiting to judge. I sung my song and it went okay but not great, I was so worried and didn’t enjoy myself. For the next number of days, I was constantly mocked for my performance, for no particular reason, which was difficult but I’d gone back to my normal ways and I really didn’t care.

One of my performances of ‘Those Magic Changes’ in Grease

A week later I performed my song in a number of performances, all being very successful because I wasn’t concerned about judgment and I enjoyed what I was doing. I’ve taken away from this experience that you’re always going to get judged by someone who wants to pull you down and if you’re afraid of that you’re going to be worse off. Especially when it comes to performing, being scared and not enjoying it can ruin a performance. Don’t let anyone stop you from enjoying yourself and doing what you love.

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